“The Dress”

This post is hard to write. It’s embarrassing to write. Because putting it out on the internet for everyone to see makes it real. Real and upsetting. And it’s about clothes. 

Blue flowered dress

This dress? It’s basically what dreams are made of, at least for me. Perfect cut, great color, feminine but comfortable. I bought it in January, excited to find it on sale and in my size. When I found it, I knew it was “the dress.” Every woman has “the dress” in her closet, the serendipitous purchase that makes getting dressed fun, makes her feel fabulous. It was going to be the outfit that I ushered in spring with. That I wore to my internship to feel like a real adult, a real career woman (even if the dress is covered in flowers).  

I’ve been at my internship for over 3 weeks now, and I haven’t worn the dress yet. I can’t. The dress doesn’t fit me anymore. 

SONY DSC

I can’t get it over my hips. It won’t zip. I’m afraid to keep trying for fear of ripping a seam. And so it sits in my closet, tags still on. I avoid it. I find other things to wear, things that hide what has happened to my body these past few months. What I’ve done to my body. And what I haven’t done to it. 

I have skipped workouts. I haven’t gotten enough sleep. I have had meals that consist solely of frosting. I haven’t eaten enough vegetables. I have punished myself. I haven’t shown my body any grace or love or care. I have made excuses. I haven’t made any changes. 

And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of picking outfits based on what is most “slimming.” I’m tired of treating my body like it’s disposable, unworthy. 

So, I’m making a resolution. Because it doesn’t need to be January 1 to recognize a need for change and to pursue improvement. I’m resolving to workout harder, sleep more, and eat better. Because, yes, I want to fit into the dress I was so excited about all those months ago. Because I want to feel good in my clothes, in my own skin. More importantly though, I’m going to take care of myself because it’s what my body deserves, it’s what I deserve. 

Blue flowered dress

Comments

  1. While it’s tough for you to write, it’s encouraging for others to read. I’m sure that you will accomplish whatever goals you have set out – and trust me, I have numerous items in my closet with similar descriptions. Have a great weekend! 🙂

  2. I feel similarly, many of my pants are becoming extrordinarilly tight and I keep denying that I need to change my recent behavior* ( no exercise, overeating needlessy)… but I don’t know how to take the first leap. I’ve never had problems with my weight, my metabolism has been able to keep up with me until now. When I try to make changes, It only lasts a day.
    *The problem is that I eat in order to focus…I need to chew on things to study. Is there something I can substitute so that I”m not constantly consuming carbohydrates?

    • Well, I’m not the expert here by any means, but here’s what I’ve tried/learned and what’s worked for me:
      GUM – chewing on it is distracting and it’s like you’re eating without all the added calories
      Drink – water that is! I know the better hydrated I am the less I tend to eat, even when it comes to mindlessly snacking. Try flavored waters or teas, so you still feel like you’re getting something besides just water because I know that a lot of people don’t like the taste!
      If you really, REALLY need to eat something, just make smart choices. Instead of bread or crackers or chips try raw veggies and fruit, even fruit chips! You’ll still get the crunch without as many calories.

      When it comes to working out – start slowly and find something you love, that makes it much easier to stick to!

      And with everything, in food, fitness, faith, and life, go slow. Take it one day at a time. Don’t stress yourself out by looking day, months, years ahead and feeling like you’ll never reach your goal. Just be better than the day before.

      I sure hope this helps! 😀

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